What to do with myself – What I’ve done so far

I’ve been ‘working on myself’ as they say for a couple of years. Seriously. Before that I was quite literally stumbling and bumping through life, just trying to keep my head above water.

I’ve never really wanted to be something more I like to be in the moment, I like the experience. Toward the end of high school I was aimless and unhappy. I looked for anything to do next. I clearly couldn’t stay where I was. I got my grade 12 diploma and then bounced to a friend’s place in Texas, back to my hometown with my brother and then to my eventual husband’s house with his parents. I was 18 and had no idea what to do with myself.

From there with love and support from my husband’s family and from my father I decided to go to school, largely because I was bored and I hate being bored more than just about anything. First I took a few random classes at the local college, Sign Language, Sociology, Psychology, Biology and Math. I had a great semester. I loved college. I enjoyed my courses, and getting to know my professors, met a few friends along the way.

After a semester or so I figured I’d have to decide on something to do, like that I’d get paid for. I decided to take Computer Programming, well I should say I figured this would be the thing to do, computers were the only thing I felt I was sort of good at. The inner dialogue went something like…
* I enjoy swimming, but that’s not great career fodder.
* I love meeting people, finding out about them, but how is that a job ?
* I love writing, and thinking, the thrill of producing something and sharing an idea or story, but what am I going to do ? Become a writer ? Pfft that’s just stupid.
* Travelling is fun and great but I have no money, no job, how am I going to travel anywhere
* I’m always curious to see how things work, the inner life of a school, a hospital, a theatre, anything, what’s through that door? what’s behind what you see ? But again, how is this a job ?

So I applied to the Computer Programming course, I met new people, and I learned how things worked underneath. I enjoyed talking with the professors. I thought I was on the right track because I didn’t really have to study, seriously. I graduated at the top of my college, I even got a medal, but I never did much homework, and I didn’t study, I did do the labs, and I played around with the labs to learn things, make sure I understood, but it all just sort of made sense to me, like it was intuitive.

Before graduation I got my first job in the field. I worked there for 5 years and 7 months. About 5 years in I was getting bored, I was not interested in the work or the people around me, I was very unhappy. My husband suggested I needed to find somewhere new to work, he’s a smart guy. I found my next job and was thrilled, I was interested again, I was doing good work, I liked what the company made and I liked the people. 8 months into that job my husband and I decided to move to Vancouver. We both got new jobs in Vancouver pretty quickly, at the start of May 2007 we decided we would move, July 2nd 2007 I started at my current job.

It’s been 5 years and 4 months I’ve been at the current job, and again I am feeling bored, and disinterested. I’m not sure what I should do, I’m good at my job, I’m curious about things, but it’s not feeding me.